Resilience is the key to overcoming hardship and growing on a mental, emotional and physical level. While not always easy to cultivate, resilient people are able to turn to their inner strength to face life’s challenges—and we can all agree that this is very good quality. While the pandemic tested us in many ways, one of the silver linings is a newfound sense of resiliency. According to a recent survey conducted by Parade and the Cleveland Clinic, three-quarters (74%) of respondents believe that because of the pandemic, they are more confident that they can handle any challenges life throws at them. In fact, 80% feel confident that they can handle living through another pandemic. And resilient individuals are significantly less likely to feel stressed, anxious and/or depressed during the pandemic (67% vs. 40% of general Americans). These statistics are encouraging. But if you feel like you’re not quite there—or you simply want to further strengthen your resiliency reserves—look no further than these 50 habits of mentally strong people.
Habits of mentally strong people
They create a daily routine
Having structure and purpose to your day is a core component of resilience. “The most important self-care habit in my life has been creating a daily routine,” Jay Shetty, former monk, Sama co-founder, podcast host, and author explains. “Each morning I start with a cup of tea, a morning meditation, and set an intention for what I want to accomplish. I use the acronym, TIME, to help me create a routine throughout the day with T standing for thankfulness, I for insight, M for mediation and E for exercise. By making sure I follow a routine I not only feel accomplished at the end of the day, but that I have a specific purpose with everything I do.”
They create a mindful moment, such as drinking tea
It’s important to make time to connect to the present. “When [my partner] Radhi and I first moved in together five years ago, we set a routine where we begin each day with a cup of tea before we meditate. We believe that taking this moment to be present each morning helps us to feel more balanced and allows us to better connect with ourselves, ultimately leading to stronger relationships and connections with our friends and family.”
They create a meditation practice
Meditation helps bring your mind and body into balance. “I advise everyone to start a meditation practice,” Shetty states. “One of the most common misunderstandings about meditation is that it’s all about solitude or tranquility. However, I believe that meditation can be completely different for each person—a morning walk or an evening bath or an afternoon stretch.”
They take care of their bodies
A mentally strong person invests effort and time into taking care of their bodies. “They do this because they know a healthy body ensures a confident mind, which is critical for making decisions, long term fulfillment, satisfaction, and happiness,” says Haley Perlus, PhD, Sport & Performance Psychology. “Mentally strong people also know that taking care of their bodies means increased energy, making it easier to accomplish daily goals.”
They set short-term goals
Resilient people are goal setters. “Goals allow them to organize their resources and time, help them stay motivated, beat procrastination, and achieve more,” Dr. Perlus explains. “Outlining goals also enables you to determine what you want in life and helps focus your mind.”
They establish boundaries
“Mentally strong people establish boundaries because they want to feel safe in a relationship, heard, and listened to, and have their needs met. Establishing healthy boundaries also allows you to identify and express your limits and is key in ensuring relationships are respectful and caring,” Dr. Perlus states.
They only focus on what they can control
There are many things in life you don’t have control over, and dwelling on them will only make you feel upset and frustrated. “Resilient people know that the more energy and time spent on focusing on things they can’t control means less energy and time on things they can actually control. Resilient people know that worrying about things you can’t control will drain you mentally, make you less effective, and can lead to toxic habits such as blaming yourself or others too much,” Dr. Perlus explains.
They embrace other people’s success
Resilient people use other people’s achievements as a way to inspire them, rather than make them feel unworthy. “They do not resent other people’s success because they know it only robs them of energy and frustration, which can make them feel like a victim,” says Dr. Perlus. “Instead, they embrace other people’s success and use it as a motivator to exert every ounce of effort into their own success including career, relationships and health.”
They don’t focus too much on the result
This is about staying focused on your progress, not the outcome. “A mentally strong person understands that certain success takes time,” Dr. Perlus explains. “They are able to complete tasks or help others without expecting something immediately in return and be patient for what’s to come out of it.”
They take advantage of alone time
It is only during alone time that we can self-reflect and process our emotions. “Mentally strong people don’t view being alone as being lonely, but rather as a means of reconnecting with themselves,” says Dr. Perlus. “Some even actively seek alone time in order to self-reflect on their thoughts and visions for what’s to come.”
They accept help
Mentally strong people aren’t afraid to ask for help when they need it. “They are open to outside perspectives and realize that accepting help isn’t a means of admitting failure but rather accomplishing something better than planned,” Dr. Perlus explains.
They sit with discomfort
“Being able to sit with any given emotion without taking action to escape it, because there’s trust that it will pass. Of course, if someone has trouble regulating their emotions, they should reach out to a professional,” says Dr. Jennifer R. Wolkin, PhD, Licensed Psychologist and Clinical Neuropsychologist.
They respond instead of reacting
In a stressful situation, your first reaction is likely an emotionally charged one. To gain more control over your feelings, it’s important to pause for a moment. “In any situation that feels uncomfortable, we can react impulsively from a fear-based place, or we can take a step back, regulate our own nervous systems, and then eventually proceed to respond from a less reflexive place,” Dr. Wolkin explains.
They practice radical acceptance
Accept where you are. “The ability to accept that we can’t change the circumstances of this specific present moment reality, and to try to change what we can’t will lead to more suffering,” Dr. Wolkin states. “Of course, this doesn’t mean we stop taking action toward healing and evolving over time. It just means we don’t resist this actual moment.”
They have a toolbox of self-care habits
Resilient people understand the importance of self-care. “Putting together a metaphorical toolbox or a list of self-care habits that refuel and replenish when burnt-out can be helpful. And knowing when to use them, and actually using them is key,” Dr. Wolkin explains.
They’re good at empathizing
Mentally strong people have been through tough moments, but have emerged stronger and wiser on the other side. Enduring life’s hardships makes you compassionate and understanding towards others who are going through similar struggles. “Mentally strong people are good at empathizing with others by being able to put themselves in someone’s shoes and feel what they’re feeling. It’s easier to sympathize with someone when trying to understand what they’re going through - but empathizing with someone is knowing exactly how they feel,” Dr. Perlus states.
They have a support system
No one can do it alone! “Even though there’s still a stigma regarding therapy, and people still tell untrue stories that reaching out for help is weak, having a support system in place and knowing when to call on it is vital,” says Dr. Wolkin.
They work to bounce back from failure
Resilient people don’t let failure define them. “They tend to recover from mistakes, setbacks, and failure quickly. They learn from failure and keep moving onward and upward,” Dr. Perlus states.
They surround themselves with like-minded people
“Find others who engage in similar habits,” Dr. Wolkin states. “We are, after all, in some ways, who we surround ourselves with.”
Cultivate self-awareness
Self-awareness provides greater insight into what drives us and who we are on a deep level. “This will help you get in touch with your pattern of what’s potentially holding you back, and also what your actual needs (both psychologically and physiologically) look like. Sometimes, these needs can be subtle, and training yourself to be in touch with them is important,” Dr. Wolkin explains.
They cultivate a sense of purpose and meaning
This enables us to focus on what matters and let go of what doesn’t. “When we do the work to cultivate a true sense of purpose it’s much easier to find joy, be distracted from rumination, seek out new challenges, and practice curiosity,” says Dr. Wolkin.
They learn how to see change as uncomfortable, but ultimately not a threat
“In fact, emotionally resilient people view change as an inevitable part of life, possibly an opportunity for growth, and don’t live their life trying to avoid it,” Dr. Wolkin explains.
They practice self-compassion
You’re only human! “Emotionally resilient people know that the secret to success isn’t self-deprecating and giving ourselves brutal tough love,” Dr. Wolkin states. “They know that true growth comes from offering up self-compassion rather than self-judgment, and that accountability and self-compassion can co-exist.”
They set reasonable expectations
If we aren’t mindful of the expectations we are setting of ourselves and others, we can set ourselves up for disappointment. “Setting expectations, whether too high or too low, gives us immediate and short-term perceived control over uncertainty,” says Dr. Wolkin. “Checking in about expectations, and clarifying them, in any given situation can help build emotional resiliency.”
They learn not to take everything personally
Not everything is about you! “Mentally strong people understand the world does not revolve around them. They understand their interactions with others is not usually about them, but more so what’s going on with the other person at that time,”Keischa Pruden, LCMHCS, LCAS, CCS, Owner and Therapist, Pruden Counseling Concepts, explains.
They delegate tasks
“Mentally strong people learn the importance of surrounding themselves with smart people they can learn from and enlist assistance from,” Pruden states.
They are lifelong learners
Resilient people understand there is always more to learn. Every person is a constant work in progress. “Mentally strong people understand the concept of learning new concepts and benefitting from what they learn,” says Pruden.
They seek out adventures
“Mentally strong people seek new experiences and revel in the excitement of the unknown,” Pruden explains.
They believe in something bigger than themselves
This can be a higher being, ideal, or community. “Mentally strong people are aware of the world around them,” Pruden states. “They understand the world is bigger than them and they ascribe to a belief in something greater than themselves.”
They don’t argue with people who are dedicated to misunderstanding them
Resilient people know what’s worth their time and energy, and what isn’t. “Mentally strong people are interested in conversations that edify them and the people they are conversing with. Anything else is rarely engaged in,” Pruden explains.
They believe in self-improvement but are not slaves to constant work
“Mentally strong people work hard, but also know when to rest,” says Pruden.
They are persistent
When life knocks them down, they get back up. “They do not give up easily even when faced with great challenges,” says Carole Goguen, PsyD, a licensed psychologist in California and founder of Night Owl Psychotherapy.
They’re problem solvers
“They see difficulties as problems to be solved rather than insurmountable obstacles,” Dr. Goguen explains.
They look on the bright side
Maintaining a positive attitude is at the core of resilience. “Resilient people are able to see the possibility of positive outcomes to negative events,” says Dr. Goguen.
They have concern for others
As mentioned in number 23 (don’t take things personally), resilient people can put their own issues aside to help those in need. “They are able to be concerned about others during stressful times rather than only focusing on themselves,” Dr. Goguen states.
They have strong core values
“One of the most critical ingredients in self-esteem is feeling good about your actions. Even though it can be tough, people who take care to act within their value systems feel better about themselves and their lives,” Nick Bognar, Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist, explains.
They let go of resentment
“Resentments can make us feel safe and even provide a little happiness in the short term, but in the long term they are corrosive, and they take up a lot of emotional energy and space,” Bognar states.
They work to make a difference in their community
Ever heard of the helper’s high? Not only does it feel good to give, it helps reframe your perspective. “People who stay connected to their world around them and actively do things that build up others enjoy a sense of purpose and a heightened sense of perspective and gratitude,” says Bognar.
They practice gratitude
Healthy gratitude includes delight in the things, great and small, that work for us. “When we view the world through that lens, we feel fortunate, which is a brighter outlook, and we are more likely to help those around us,” Bognar explains.
They recognize their strengths and personal bests
Knowing yourself helps you avoid falling into the perfectionism trap. You understand what you’re capable of and utilize those skills. “Share successful coping strategies with others, consider positive options for the future, and take action to live your hopes and dreams daily,” says Mayra Mendez, PhD., LMFT, a licensed psychotherapist and program coordinator for intellectual and developmental disabilities and mental health services at Providence Saint John’s Child and Family Development Center in Santa Monica, California. “Such efforts need not be on a grand scale, but simple positive self-talk, taking care of self, and setting attainable and exciting goals support resiliency building skills.”
They allow for flexibility
Consider doing something differently from the usual, explore options and above all seek awareness of your own patterns of thinking, feeling, and acting, Dr. Mendez explains.
Seek supportive and trusted relationships
Even the most emotionally resilient person needs a support system.“When ‘life happens,’ having connections with trusted family members and friends reinforces strength to cope with life events and consider options,” says Dr. Mendez. “Make a conscious effort to avoid isolation by sharing thoughts and seeking feedback from others. Turning to others is a powerful resiliency builder.”
They’re active participants in their lives
“Resilient people change the things they don’t like in their life. Let’s face it, no one can help you find a job, improve your skills, lose or gain weight—these are things you do for yourself,” Christina Steinorth-Powell, Licensed Psychotherapist and Author of Cue Cards for Men: A Man’s Guide to Love and Life, explains.
They limit their exposure to toxic people
“Toxic people take up an enormous amount of time with their drama and negativity,” says Steinorth-Powell. “Resilient people know their time is better spent with people who are positive and uplifting.”
They know who to lean on
Mentally strong people understand who to turn to for guidance and support, and others who don’t provide comfort, Steinorth-Powell states.
They know when to let something go without seeing it as giving up
Someone who is mentally tough is aware of what is toxic in their lives. This includes thoughts, people and anything else that no longer serves them, Sharon Gilchrest O’Neill, Ed.S., LMFT, Marriage & Family Psychotherapist and Author, explains.
Knows when to refresh themselves
Take a day off from your normal daily routine, Gilchrest O’Neill states. Sit for hours and read a book or take a very long walk.
They challenge themselves
Resilient people believe in self-improvement and going to the next level in all aspects of their lives. “This can include running a 10K or writing a book, or something else they always dreamed of doing,” Gilchrest O’Neill explains. “They fit the Nike theme at times of ‘just do it.’”
They hydrate
“Dehydration has been linked to fatigue, confusion, difficulty concentrating and low mood,” Paige Harnish, LISW, states.
They prioritize sleep quality and quantity
“Optimal sleep hygiene promotes energy which is linked to higher levels of motivation, productivity and self-efficacy,” Harnish explains. Next up: The Best Mental Health Podcasts of 2021
Sources
Jay Shetty, former monk, podcast host, and NY Times best-selling authorHaley Perlus, PhD, Sport & Performance PsychologyDr. Jennifer R. Wolkin, PhD, Licensed Psychologist and Clinical NeuropsychologistKeischa Pruden, LCMHCS, LCAS, CCS, Owner and Therapist, Pruden Counseling ConceptsCarole Goguen, PsyD, licensed psychologist in California and founder ofNight Owl PsychotherapyNick Bognar, Licensed Marriage & Family TherapistMayra Mendez, Ph.D., LMFT, a licensed psychotherapist and program coordinator for intellectual and developmental disabilities and mental health services at Providence Saint John’s Child and Family Development Center in Santa Monica, CaliforniaChristina Steinorth-Powell, Licensed Psychotherapist and Author of Cue Cards for Men: A Man’s Guide to Love and LifeSharon Gilchrest O’Neill, Ed.S., LMFT, Marriage & Family Psychotherapist and AuthorPaige Harnish, LISW
